The Disappointed Idealist

The world is filled with uncertainties. As self-defense, you programmed yourself to be resilient when facing these. You were once an idealist filled with all the kinds of roses on your sleeves. But when you realized how the world works, all your roses were cut into two, stomped on the ground and crushed into smithereens. You were gravely disappointed, causing your outlook in life to drastically change. You don’t see the good in anyone and anything anymore – you’re now breathing the cynical way of living.

Cynicism is your shell. It is the armor that protects you from disappointments and failures. Cynicism has become your defense mechanism against anything that can possibly hurt you.

You anticipate every possible worst case scenario that could happen. There was once a time when you used to aim so high but things just didn’t happen to your liking. Because of that, you vowed never to have positive expectations from everything and everyone anymore. You will always expect the worst but will never hope for the best.

You do not easily trust people including those who are close to you. You used to trust wholeheartedly but then what happened? They only let you down, stripping themselves of the trust you gave them. And because of them, you gained trust issues. You have become doubtful and contradicting and you know you just have to so you won’t be making the same mistakes of trusting people again.

You no longer easily give respect away like cheap candy. People have to earn it from you at a high price. The ‘respect yourself and others will respect you’ saying sounds like crap to you. You already learned your lesson: when you respect others, you are only allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

You are a put-down artist and have mastered the art of ‘putting down’. You have the inability to appreciate anything that rhymes with ‘positivity’. Your mind is obsessed in paying attention to what is negative. And yes, you used to be otherwise once upon a time but then again, things just did not go your way.

There are so many things you’ve turned into. You used to be the kind of person everyone would want to be and be with. However, the people who want to be you and be with you are the very same people who treated you otherwise.

It shattered your beliefs.

It shattered your ideals.

It shattered you.

And now you try to shatter theirs.

But did you know that the best things in life happen when you take the risk? You may have accepted and understood the fact that the world is a difficult place but your fear of pain only limits you from what else the world could offer. You may have deflected yourself from the pangs of disappointment but you also deprived the possibility of finally attaining your happiness.

Cynicism does not lead anywhere. You may have less chances of getting hurt but it only increases the appetite of your frustrations. While it is the shell that protects you from disappointments and failures, it is also the very same shell that prevents you from experiencing achievements and accomplishments. It may be your defense mechanism but the question is: what are you fighting against? You are blindly battling a self-imposed war– a war where the ceasefire button is just within your reach but your refusal to press it is foolishly firmed.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, you are still living in a beautiful world. A little cynicism may be healthy but too much of it is lethal. Sometimes it’s just all about balance; too much positivity is unrealistic and too much negativity is toxic. Things will not always happen of your own accord and that’s the beauty and the fatal flaw of life: you cannot control it. However, you can control your attitude towards it; you can master your attitude instead of letting it attitude master you.

The world is not entirely made of black and white, there’s red, yellow, blue and you can even play with all life’s iridescent colors and create something new. Life is a blank canvas where you can splash on the colors. The finished picture is all up to you. Cynicism will only fill it with a grayscale abstract but when sprinkled with specks and flecks of idealistic views, there you have a masterpiece.


Quotes from Confucius, Rick Bayan and George Carlin

Line from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann



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